3. Shoot for the moon. A mind is like a parachute. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. I love my body. 120. 45. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. Leave me a if you agree! Unknown. 51. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 128. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. My mistakes dont define me. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. Never let anyone waste your time twice. 217. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 10. 106. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Envelope. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. 4. "Your mistakes don't define you.". Because it was soda pressing. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. 20. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. Chris Rock, 256. Its okay if people dont like me. Oh sheet!. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. 153. 40 Positive Affirmations to Repeat for Success and Happiness - Oprah Daily Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. 133. 140. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. 228. I am constantly growing and improving. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. 251. 59. 152. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. 44. Erma Bombeck 18 Funny Positive Affirmations to Get Through Your Shitty Day I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I will smile while I still have my teeth. I thought you said extra fries. 179. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). 71. 115. We have a connection. 163. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. 103. 223. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 24. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. 231. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. How do trees access the internet? What do I do for a living? Erma Bombeck. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. 73. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. 22. 27. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Short people with an umbrella. Decomposing. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. 96. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. 262. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. Because he was always spotted. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. I did not trip and fall. 272. It makes them so damned mad. 150. I am so f*cking awesome. Sincerely, yourself. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. Bill Murray, 258. Im not insulting you. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. 226. 45. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". 7. Because seven ate nine. In between, I am alive., 7. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. 100 Positive Affirmations for Kids (and Why They're so Important) Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. Those who snore always fall asleep first. Bill Murray -Gandhi. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 1. 138. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. It may feel useless but just get into it. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. It gets toad away. 22. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. 205 Hilariously Funny Quotes For Work To Make You Chuckle I dont think thats a coincidence. It's OK to take a break. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. 1. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. How do astronomers organize a party? I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. East. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Jonathan lockwood huie. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? I get up, dress up, and show up. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. Sam Levenson My mistakes dont define me. Raimonda.B. 207. Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. 97. I dont want to fix my spending habits. 275. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? Because seven ate nine. You cant have everything, where would you put it? Keep your affirmations in the present. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. 264. - Irish Saying. 121. 171. 258. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. A backbone. 129. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Ben Hogan. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. 171. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. Life is becoming easier and less serious. I'm having a staff meeting.". Short Funny Quotes. 75. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 209. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. Groucho Marx. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. 90. But then again so does . Your email address will not be published. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 162. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Why was six scared of seven? Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. 221. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. But sometimes affirmations may not work. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? I love my job only when Im on vacation. 15. East 187. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. 110 Funny Work Quotes To Jazz Up Your Workplace - Vantage Circle 1. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. 64 Funny Quotes About Life That Are Painfully Accurate 35. I'm doing great. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . 1. 39 Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life 72. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. Just like every Monday does on Earth. 105. Never ask a starfish for directions. The 50 Funniest Inspirational Quotes - Curated Quotes Look, youre smiling! I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. 148. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. Positive mindset affirmations. Roy Lichtenstein. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 100 Funny Monday Quotes and Sayings - Inside Of Happiness 99. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Gary Delaney Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. 227. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Focus on the positives and be grateful. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. With a cowculator. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? I know the best time to make fun. 22. I am tough and resilient. I accept my body the way it is today. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Frances McDormand I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. 68. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 124. 80. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 252. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Bill Gates. Life begins on Friday night. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 96. We'll get to that later. 212. Find a quiet place without distractions. 62. Not everyone has to like me. The best things in life are free. 49. 272. 266. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. Steve Martin, 254. 128. 1. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. 26. 26. 31. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . 37. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you.